i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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