New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
