I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
