I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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