Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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