If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
