I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
