ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
