she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
