and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
