Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
