chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
