Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
