Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
