Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
