WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
