I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
