apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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