if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
