I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
