yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
