i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
