C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
did i walk over a car last night?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
