At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
