just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
