Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
