I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
