girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
