you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
