Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
