Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
