ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
