Only a mothe r could love this liver
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
