I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
