That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
