Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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