If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
