just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
