as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
smell my finger.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
