I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
