hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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