"it" just moved
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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