he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
