you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
how drunk are you?
Several
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
