I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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