I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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