I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
