Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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