she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
