Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
