i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
