He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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